Resiliency is the ability to adapt to life and environmental stressors. I think resiliency often resembles optimism — the skill of having a positive outlook on any given day, whether it is terrible traffic or a spilled cup of coffee. It’s a constant psychological adaptation to what we attend to.

Decades of research have shown that people with positive outlooks and strong relationships are likelier to come through the other side of traumatic events. It usually is attributed to meaning-making, a process where we seek a more optimistic understanding of the negative situation. Couples with these skills can maintain a positive outlook even during tough times. It’s not about minimizing problems but acknowledging that they faced challenges as a team and grew stronger as a result.

As a skill or coping mechanism that can be taught and practiced, resiliency is one of the most critical components of happiness, success and healthy relationships. The more we can manage life’s stressors, the stronger we become and the more connected we feel. This helps us feel less isolated and lonely, especially in close relationships.

We conduct skills-based relationship education workshops that teach couples about effective communication strategies, healthy conflict resolution, and tools to help cope with life and relational stressors.

Our main goal is to improve communication. However, the essence of communication lies in the ability to listen effectively. How can you respond to your partner in a way that demonstrates you have listened to them? Teaching active listening skills is a crucial aspect of our program. Adversity and conflict are bound to arise, but how we listen and what we share during stressful times are essential to learn.

If I were to ask a couple to talk about their partner’s greatest strengths or current stressors, they could answer the questions with relative ease. This ability indicates that the couple shares mutual trust, respect, vulnerability and open communication. Resilient couples share their expectations, validate one another’s experience, see their partner’s unique contributions, and learn to compromise and meet in the middle. Even during stressful times, a couple can have a positive outlook and say, “Even as hard as that was, this is what we learned; this is how we made meaning of it.”